Last night, I had another dream...
This one was very realistic; a mish-mosh of what is going on in my life right now.
I dreamt that I got a well-deserved raise.
Now, this could have happened. I have just reached the one year mark at my job. I wear a lot of hats there, and do good work. It felt so right...
...there the check was, floating in space, right in front of my grasp...
So I grabbed it. Then my whole world changed- my hopes, my dreams, all fell away, and that one small raise lead to a life of of compromise, longing, and regret. A life stuck on Long Island, strapped with debt, wasting my artistry, "visiting" the city, staring at what I could have had.
When I woke up, it was all gone.
I realized that my subconscious hates me. Either that, or it is super worried.
Am I wasting an opportunity by moving back home to LI and staying with the "comfortable" job? Should I throw it all away, forget the car, and go for it with everything I've got?
I don't know... I really don't know. I've never felt more frustrated and confused.
New York City is the land of opportunities- the artist capital- the place to discover yourself.
So why do I feel like I'm losing me?